Surrender

I am in the middle of planning for next year's preschool curriculum for Blueberry. She is doing pre-writing tracing right now so I will be starting her on letters in the fall. She is already learning the sounds some letters make so next spring she might be ready for three letter sight words. I am planning ahead because we will be pretty busy in the coming year. January we are expecting an addition to our family and I know we will have to take a break around that time so we will need to be flexible too. I am determined to keep her challenged even with everything that is going on.

As we were settling into the idea that we will be having another child soon, we found out David is losing his job at the end of this month. It is not time to panic, and somehow I am not. I would expect myself to be really stressed out right now but I have this general feeling that everything will be OK and that this is a step to something better. I feel like there must be something wrong with me because I am not panicking, maybe I'm delusional or in denial. David's uncle says I am a great wife (supportive and all) and that it must be my faith. My good friends also say I must have a really strong faith. I guess I don't really think it is my faith but my surrender. I haven't really had a problem with faith, but surrender is HARD!

I have surrendered a lot in the last couple of years during the ups and downs of my husband's post-graduation job-search. I have learned to say "Let Your will be done, Lord!" We have surrendered our expectations, humbling ourselves that things do not work out in our timing. We have surrendered our budget to the Lord as we have been led to a Total Money Makeover. We have surrendered a lot of our material things either to someone else who gave us some minimal cash for it or just donated stuff. We surrendered time around the holidays last year for David to work a seasonal job to try to get ahead with some of our debts. We will eventually be surrendering our home back to the bank because we cannot afford it and we cannot sell it since it is worth about half of what we owe on it. Surrendering is getting easier and maybe that is what we are supposed to learn.

Before David and I got married we decided that I would stay home when we had children. Being a SAHM is the hardest and best job I ever loved and we still feel like that is what is right for our family but as his job is coming to an end, as I was helping him search for jobs online, I found a part time position in my old line of work (phlebotomy) that was closing soon. I applied for it and figured we could talk about it and I could still turn it down if we decided against it. I still don't know what to do. I have an interview on Tuesday and I am leaving things in God's hands. I have been praying so much for what His will might be. I know what mine is, but I feel like I am being led in this direction and I have never been one to turn down an opportunity if I felt like it was the right thing.

As it turns out my mom is available right now to watch Blueberry a few days a week. I am still praying for guidance and David is supportive either way. I am relying on faith that I will know the right decision when it is the time to make it.