Hugging Style

I read this post about hugs and it is just too funny! I grew up with an Italian mom and American dad. We lived in Italy until I was 7 and I went through a bit of culture shock when I moved to the states. 

Between hugs, kisses on the cheek, it was ALL so confusing at first. Social norms were very stressful for me to learn as a young unidentified introvert. They used to call me "shy" but I wasn't really, I like being around people but I don't like being the center of attention and I especially don't like drawing attention to myself by doing something awkward. Over the years I opted to take my cues from those around me. "When in Rome!" right? I don't mind hugs but I rarely initiate unless it is a family member or very good friend and that is the kind of relationship we have established already.

I am trying to teach my own children to respect the personal space of others and I don't force them to hug even family unless they want to. I think my in-laws were uncomfortable (maybe even offended) with this at first, but I think they understand now that my 3 year old enthusiastically goes up to them and wants a hug all on her own initiative. I hope it is so much more meaningful to them than an automatic, imposed action. I find my children are naturally affectionate to those around them and they model the behavior that they see without being forced to.

As social creatures I think we need non-sexual physical interaction, though individual needs may vary greatly. You might even call it a need for platonic intimacy, which gets kind of confusing for teenagers approaching puberty and even young adults. As a society we may help our youth to recognize this need as a way to prevent pre-marital sex. We all need affection, but there is a time between puberty and marriage that we don't have many socially acceptable outlets. I theorize that it may be this unfulfilled need that we are not addressing as the average age people get married gets higher and it may contribute to the high incidence of premarital sex. (I personally don't make it my business what people do in private, but when they involve children either by influence or by conception, it becomes everyone's problem.)

On the flip side, some people feel that any physical contact is potentially dangerous for becoming inappropriate. I would argue that our puritanical values have made even hugging awkward for some who fear temptation or even just the appearance of evil. When in close proximity, it is easy to make a wrong move by accident and cause an extremely awkward moment. For this reason, many err on the side of caution and just don't hug. In an effort to set clear boundaries, some people miss out on a natural source of legal dopamine. Hugs can counter depression.

I personally don't feel that hugs are "too intimate" at all. Intent is the key. I cannot control another person's intent, but I know my own. For me it is a friendly gesture of support that communicates something words cannot. In some situations words are the wrong thing to say. 

What is your hugging "style"?

Frolicking Fun in the Fall

This first set of photos was with the MOPS group.

This next set of photos was our family outing to the pumpkin patch.

Thus

Fall and Football

Last week we officially started homeschool. Of course, when you homeschool, you don't really ever stop. Any minute you may find a learning opportunity. Learning is fun at our house. When Daddy comes home and asks "What did you do for school today?" the answer is, and should be "nothing, we didn't do school today." At least I think that is true for preschool and kindergarten. In reality we are always learning, always curious, answering questions, solving problems.

So my biggest project for last week was making this calendar to learn the days of the week and months of the year. We also learned songs to help us remember months and days. The days of the week are from The Very Hungry Caterpillar, which is one of Blueberry's favorite books. She loves to move the sticky arrows every morning.

Our theme for the first week was Fall and Football. She traced fall words and we did some football themed activity pages. She also did a lot of workbook pages and we made cards for grandparents and great grandparents who are Packer fans.

Little Tiger likes to sit and play with toys while I do school with Blueberry.

We had a playdate with a friend. We also did a lot of playing together at home. 

Little Tiger is very ambitious and is wanting to stand and walk. He takes very large, deliberate steps when we support him across the floor.

On the weekend Blueberry finally was able to purchase her "My Little Pony Magazine" that she has been saving up for with her chore (we call it a cooperation chart) money.

Summer Preschool Days

This week I have started re-organizing our homeschool/preschool plan (and consequently our whole household organization, you know how these things go). From what I have read it will always be a work in progress. That is OK.

Summer is here and for various reasons I have not gotten as much of my act together as I would like. I am practicing forgiveness for myself because of all of the life changes we have been through lately. Along with planning summer activities and projects, we are still unpacking and organizing our small space. It has been an AMAZING, unexpected blessing to have to downsize our stuff.

Last week we re-started potty training and in 2 days Blueberry was trained. We had tried last year (and struggled a lot and I could tell she did not have any awareness of her bladder though she has been "going #2" in the potty since then), then we tried again after the move, but it didn't go well. What changed is that she 1) was just now able to undress and dress herself and 2) she started to become aware of how the increasing spring/summer temperatures were making her pull-ups very uncomfortable. I talked with her about it and she decided she was ready. In over a week she has only had two "accidents" and one was because we were out and couldn't find a bathroom in time. She has even been dry all night. Deep down I knew that when she was ready it would be very easy, but I had many "voices" (people, blogs, etc.) telling me that she "should be" doing it sooner. She wasn't ready. She is now and it was so easy.

As far as preschool goes, I have taken a very relaxed approach because Blueberry is already so precocious. We do little things each day and I approach everything we do with an awareness of what may be a good teaching moment. Because the newest member of our family takes up so much of my attention, I make a daily effort to give my 3YO personal attention whenever the baby is down for a nap. I think she really likes those times. We play games that build different skills, we do craft projects together building hand-eye skills and we started a "cooperation chart" (a.k.a. "chore" or "responsibility" chart). She gets a nickel for every chore she does and there are two extra spaces per day for her to earn more at our discretion. Blueberry really surprised me this week when she cleaned up her breakfast plate without being asked.

One of the most important skills I am consciously trying to teach my children is how to get along. More accurately: how to relate to each other. When I explain to my preschooler how to interact with the baby she is very active and willing. She was a bit apprehensive at first but now she is his biggest fan. She can get him to giggle and smile more than any of us. She often brings him toys or just makes funny noises at him. When Blueberry asks to hold Bugaboo I make sure to take the time to let her do so.

A few of the activities we have done this week are:

• going to see Daddy for lunch at work
• making a card for Daddy's birthday. she traced with marker what I drew with pencil and then colored it in.
• making an accordion book for a gift
• making gluten-free bread
• potty training
• science: what happens when we drop this? (I have her guess what happens when I drop different things like a ball, a tissue, a piece of fabric, a helium balloon, etc. then we do it and see what happens)
• went to the Science Factory
• picked herbs and lettuce that we planted outside in pots
• made "pirate monsters" out of toilet paper rolls (I suggested we make pirates, but she wanted to make monsters, so we compromised) 
• practiced with scissors by cutting pictures out of magazines

"Pirate Monsters"