Lying Liers and Their Lies

I have always been fascinated by body language. It might be the introvert in me, or maybe I just like people watching. I have read books like "Your Body Doesn't Lie" (about applied kinesiology) and I am fascinated by Metalists. I don't believe anyone can "read minds" but I do believe some of us can spot visual cues more naturally and intuitively than others.

I recently watched a TED talk about How to Spot a Liar. The speaker, Pamela Meyer, says that many times we are willing participants in a lie. At first I thought she was a pessimist, but the more I thought about it there more I guess it must be true. If it is true, though, that people lie as much as she says we do, then I guess I understand why I seem to fail personality tests because "nobody is that honest". REALLY?? I beg to differ. I must be more honest than the average person, but I consider myself to have plenty of tact and I choose to use diplomacy and redirection rather than flat out white lies, but technically I guess that is lying by omission. Or whatever?? I am often just wanting to avoid hurting someone's feelings.

So it made me sad. That we lie to each other. It is part of our culture. Does it have to be? Is it true that we perpetuate this in our society and that we are often willing participants in the lie? We look the other way, so to speak, or even lie to ourselves and acknowledge the lie as truth, then why do we do this? Does it serve a purpose or does it just add to the confusion of the thread of reality that we claim to hold on to? What is important here?

Lies do not matter as much from people who don't matter as much to you so I have to examine it from the perspective of a loving and trusting relationship. That of spouses, maybe. Meyer says that spouses lie more to each other than people who are dating. WOW. Ok, lets assume that it's true. Why is this the case? I guess it depends on the people and what they are lying about.

If a lie is self-serving and to protect one from the consequences of something they have done wrong, then lying is bad. Sure, white lies are still lies, but do we want truth or do we want kindness? If the truth is not kind, and you really love a person, are you going to tell them the truth or are you going to be kind? Do we fault people for wanting to be kind? Do we fault people who tell the truth even if it hurts? We can't have it both ways.

In friendships we cannot keep friends if we are brutally honest all of the time. Nor can we keep from annoying people if we say "that's not true, you just said that to be nice" all the time. It is hard for a perceptive person such as myself to accept lies. I thought it was because I wanted honest interactions, but maybe it is OK to accept kindness too. If I have to choose, I would choose kindness from those who I know love me.

"But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; 

but the greatest of these is love." -- 1 Corinthinans 13:13

Resolving Contradictory Values in Our Society (or Teaching a Three Year Old Confidence Without Pride)

Boasting. Confidence. Pride. Gratitude. Self-awareness. Faith. Dignity. Self-expression.

As a mother of a little girl (but this goes for boys too) I have been pondering how to give her confidence without pride. How to teach her gratitude instead of boasting. How to teach her self-awareness and at the same time teach her to appreciate being created by a perfect God who loves her. How to teach dignity while allowing for self-expression.

We tell her how smart, brave, cooperative, friendly, kind and yes, even beautiful she is. However, I cringe when I hear her say "I'm so pretty!" When someone gives her a compliment, her reply is usually "Uh huh!" We are working on "thank you."

To those without faith in the Lord, it may seem like our world is confusing and holds such contradictory values. Our society puts the spotlight on gorgeous people who seem "perfect" on the outside and flaunt their "assets" while at the same time breastfeeding in public, doing something that is clean and natural, is a "controversial issue". We value autonomy and independence, but have given a whole generation of people "confidence" without earning it, which just leads to entitlement. No wonder teenagers are confused.

Christians are not immune to these woes of the world, but if we examine the Word, it becomes so simple:

...May I never boast, except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. -- Galatians 6:14

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. -- Psalm 139:14

If we make everything and do everything for Him, then we praise Him for what and who we are. Humility can co-exist with Pride in our Lord. Confidence in Him, Self-awareness of our need for Him. Gratitude for all the blessings He has given us, both material and spiritual. This is what we can model for our children. Simple? Yes. Easy? I'll let you know....

Thankful Day 6

I am thankful for the almighty Lord and my Savior who promises to provide for our needs.

This takes new meaning for us this year because of the sacrifices we have made in our family to be as independent as we can be from government assistance. I don't consider myself a democrat or republican, but I was voting for hope that we all can be successful and independent people. It saddens me that many people voted with fear of losing "benefits" because they don't believe they can provide for themselves. Out of fear that they can't do better, so many families stay in the welfare system. I know because I have personally met many of them in this rural part of Oregon. Some even take advantage of the system, but it still makes them slaves to it. It keeps them down and dependent and that saddens me for them. I don't want to be dependent on the government. I do lean on the Lord and He is faithful.

"But the Lord is faithful, who shall establish you, and keep you from evil."

2 Thessalonians 3:3

We prayed and our Lord answered when David was unemployed and I was 3 months pregnant. I got a job in less than a week, so I know I was meant to be there, though I did not want to be there, I grudgingly obeyed. The Lord is faithful. We may not always get what we want but the needs of the faithful are met. We did not want to go on food stamps or TANF in order to make ends meet. There are families that need those things more than we do. We did not want to be a further drain on the economy.

I had to go on Medicaid for 5 months because we found out I was pregnant before David lost his job and we did not want to go without prenatal visits. I considered it a blessing, not an entitlement. I am happy that now David's job provides health benefits for our family. Our goal was not to stay in the system. You are not a leach if you use the assistance on the path to a better future. It is a burden on society if you don't improve your situation when you are able to do so.

I continue to pray that things will improve, especially for the future for my children. Just as we have fought to pay off our personal debt to provide a stable future for our children, I don't want them to inherit the national debt that our culture of entitlement has created. I don't have much control over that, but I can teach them to be good stewards of what the Lord has and will bless us with. I hope that one day they will understand what it has meant to our family for the last three years to continue to have faith despite continual hurdles. I hope they will be uplifted by our faith and thankful for what the Lord provides for us.

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus"

Philippians 4:19

Come Into the Light

‎"In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it." John 1:4-5

A friend of mine shared this today. Do you know how powerful the Light is? In darkness is fear, hatred and resentment. The Light of Love is more powerful than all of those and will conquer them all.

Happy Sunday

‎"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and temporary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." ~2 Corinthians 4:16-18

My friend posted this as her status on Facebook today and I needed to hear it.