Blueberry and her Bible

Blueberry has started asking me to read her Bible Story Book to her. We got her a "beginner bible" (early reader) with activities and discussion points. The idea is to get her in the habit of doing devotions. I was not taught to do devotions as a child and honestly I am still learning to make it a regular habit. It touches my heart when she brings me her Bible Story book.

After every chapter we talk about the story. Though the discussion points in the book focus more on "obeying", my discussions focus more on Love. The Father loves us no matter what and these people obeyed because they were loved by God and they trusted that God knew what was best for them. God rewarded them for obeying but he loved them no matter what.

At the end of the story of Moses, one of the questions is "Who should you obey?" There are four pictures under the question. They are labeled "Mother", "Father", "God", "Bad Friends". We talked about that, but then I asked her "Which of these loves you?" She was smart enough to figure out that people who are "bad friends" must not love you, and that Mommy, Daddy and God love her and want what is best for her, so that is why they tell her what to do sometimes.

Resolving Contradictory Values in Our Society (or Teaching a Three Year Old Confidence Without Pride)

Boasting. Confidence. Pride. Gratitude. Self-awareness. Faith. Dignity. Self-expression.

As a mother of a little girl (but this goes for boys too) I have been pondering how to give her confidence without pride. How to teach her gratitude instead of boasting. How to teach her self-awareness and at the same time teach her to appreciate being created by a perfect God who loves her. How to teach dignity while allowing for self-expression.

We tell her how smart, brave, cooperative, friendly, kind and yes, even beautiful she is. However, I cringe when I hear her say "I'm so pretty!" When someone gives her a compliment, her reply is usually "Uh huh!" We are working on "thank you."

To those without faith in the Lord, it may seem like our world is confusing and holds such contradictory values. Our society puts the spotlight on gorgeous people who seem "perfect" on the outside and flaunt their "assets" while at the same time breastfeeding in public, doing something that is clean and natural, is a "controversial issue". We value autonomy and independence, but have given a whole generation of people "confidence" without earning it, which just leads to entitlement. No wonder teenagers are confused.

Christians are not immune to these woes of the world, but if we examine the Word, it becomes so simple:

...May I never boast, except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. -- Galatians 6:14

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. -- Psalm 139:14

If we make everything and do everything for Him, then we praise Him for what and who we are. Humility can co-exist with Pride in our Lord. Confidence in Him, Self-awareness of our need for Him. Gratitude for all the blessings He has given us, both material and spiritual. This is what we can model for our children. Simple? Yes. Easy? I'll let you know....

Will It Be The Perfect Christmas?

My childhood memories of Christmas include baking cookies, decorating the tree, making ornaments, visiting with friends and family, big dinners, homemade tortellini, hot cocoa and cinnamon rolls or homemade donuts on Christmas morning. Every year I would look forward to unwrap the carefully packaged ornaments to rediscover each and every one. Those familiar objects brought back memories of past Christmases. Each one being linked to a person, meaning or moment. Setting up the nativity was also a big part of my childhood Christmas. I always had more fun watching people open the presents I gave them than opening my own gifts.

We are preparing to move soon, so packing has begun. While I am good at organizing, David has to do all the heavy lifting due to my pregnant state. We debated not putting up a tree this year since we will be moving shortly after Christmas and after our son is born. But these things times are not the times to be practical. It is the little family traditions and memories that enrich our family and our daughter's life.

Ours will not be the Pinterest Perfect Christmas, but it will be full of tradition and familiarity. We will make ornaments and decorate our tree. We will rejoice for the birth of our Lord and Savior and these beautiful, familiar things will enrich and enhance the memory of our celebration for years to come. Taking the time to do so is a form of worship. Some argue that the Christmas tree originates from pagan traditions, but I would argue that in my life and in my family it has always been a way to honor our own traditions and our own Faith. It is my belief that rituals and traditions are all about intent. "As for me and my house, we serve the Lord."

We have so very few traditions any more. We will savor the ones we have and try to make new ones. Making the most out of each time and situation. Is every Christmas perfect? Yes. It is what you make of it, not because of how much money you spend or whether you get to see everyone you intend to or make the number of batches of cookies that you think you should (or whether they all turn out as they should).

This year, as in the year I was pregnant with Blueberry, there has been some illness in the family that would threaten my health at a very vulnerable time. It saddens me to disappoint people by staying away from those sick and exposed, but my hope is that they understand the situation and forgive the inevitability of my absence from their holidays. As for my little family, we will make the most of this time. We hope that others will not let this ruin relationships (or their own holidays) so we can enjoy future holidays together when everyone is healthy. Families are complicated.

So this will not be the perfect Christmas because we have to disappoint people. It WILL be the perfect Christmas because of the memories we will build and the traditions that we keep. Will yours be the perfect Christmas?

Thankful Day 15

I am thankful for the people in my life that can be my friend despite our differences. I hope I communicate that just because I choose to live my life a certain way that it is not a judgement against you if you choose differently. This is what works for me and I hope that what you are doing works for you. Taking offense to someone choosing differently from you is a sign of insecurity. Being forcefully argumentative is a sign that you have to convince yourself, not others. (That goes for Christians too.)

I am thankful for those who show respect for differing viewpoints, either by kind and thoughtful discussion or by restraint of comment. I have friends of different religions, different ethnic backgrounds and cultures, and different lifestyles. Nothing compels me to persuade them otherwise.

"I love you too much to argue." -- Love and Logic Institute

Lately there have been a lot of heated Facebook discussions about politics especially. Many people have posted information in line with their political stance. Recently I have chosen to refrain from commenting against those with whom I disagree ON THEIR PAGES. That doesn't mean I do not express my own opinions. I will not be silent just because I disagree with you. On my own page I have the freedom to form a rebuttal or to delete comments.

The internet is a unique platform that allows people to express their opinions without being "against" anyone personally. Without argument. The fact that it is posted publicly compels some people  to "educate" others on why they are "wrong" and that begins with a tone of condescention that I will not tolerate. There is an outlet for that, it is called a forum. Personal facebook pages are not a forum. 

I have a very limited Facebook "friends list" and I am not afraid to make it smaller for fear of appearing "not popular enough". I will block people who start drama or harass me. I REALLY appreciate all of those on my list who can differ in opinion and post what they want and what matters to them on their page.

It is not the number of friends that matters, 

but the quality of friendship!

As a Christian, I have in the past struggled with this idea of "tolerance" in balance with "evangelism" which has been highly promoted by every protestant church I have been to. After much prayer and self-reflection I have come to the conclusion that evangelism is not something I am called to do. I am not perfect and I do not wish to preach. I don't believe my salvation depends on it.

What I am called to do is LOVE. I love my friends and my family even though I do not agree with everything they say. I love them even if they are of another religion, ethnicity or orientation. If we do not agree then we should not argue. We need to lift each other up in grace and find common grounds. There is no room for judgement in any friendship.

I have a lot of respect for those who are examples of this in my life. You are a blessing to me and my life is enriched by those who love and give of themselves despite their differences with others. I hope I can be a blessing to others as well, I know I have a lot of work to do.

Thankful Day 6

I am thankful for the almighty Lord and my Savior who promises to provide for our needs.

This takes new meaning for us this year because of the sacrifices we have made in our family to be as independent as we can be from government assistance. I don't consider myself a democrat or republican, but I was voting for hope that we all can be successful and independent people. It saddens me that many people voted with fear of losing "benefits" because they don't believe they can provide for themselves. Out of fear that they can't do better, so many families stay in the welfare system. I know because I have personally met many of them in this rural part of Oregon. Some even take advantage of the system, but it still makes them slaves to it. It keeps them down and dependent and that saddens me for them. I don't want to be dependent on the government. I do lean on the Lord and He is faithful.

"But the Lord is faithful, who shall establish you, and keep you from evil."

2 Thessalonians 3:3

We prayed and our Lord answered when David was unemployed and I was 3 months pregnant. I got a job in less than a week, so I know I was meant to be there, though I did not want to be there, I grudgingly obeyed. The Lord is faithful. We may not always get what we want but the needs of the faithful are met. We did not want to go on food stamps or TANF in order to make ends meet. There are families that need those things more than we do. We did not want to be a further drain on the economy.

I had to go on Medicaid for 5 months because we found out I was pregnant before David lost his job and we did not want to go without prenatal visits. I considered it a blessing, not an entitlement. I am happy that now David's job provides health benefits for our family. Our goal was not to stay in the system. You are not a leach if you use the assistance on the path to a better future. It is a burden on society if you don't improve your situation when you are able to do so.

I continue to pray that things will improve, especially for the future for my children. Just as we have fought to pay off our personal debt to provide a stable future for our children, I don't want them to inherit the national debt that our culture of entitlement has created. I don't have much control over that, but I can teach them to be good stewards of what the Lord has and will bless us with. I hope that one day they will understand what it has meant to our family for the last three years to continue to have faith despite continual hurdles. I hope they will be uplifted by our faith and thankful for what the Lord provides for us.

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus"

Philippians 4:19

Surrender

I am in the middle of planning for next year's preschool curriculum for Blueberry. She is doing pre-writing tracing right now so I will be starting her on letters in the fall. She is already learning the sounds some letters make so next spring she might be ready for three letter sight words. I am planning ahead because we will be pretty busy in the coming year. January we are expecting an addition to our family and I know we will have to take a break around that time so we will need to be flexible too. I am determined to keep her challenged even with everything that is going on.

As we were settling into the idea that we will be having another child soon, we found out David is losing his job at the end of this month. It is not time to panic, and somehow I am not. I would expect myself to be really stressed out right now but I have this general feeling that everything will be OK and that this is a step to something better. I feel like there must be something wrong with me because I am not panicking, maybe I'm delusional or in denial. David's uncle says I am a great wife (supportive and all) and that it must be my faith. My good friends also say I must have a really strong faith. I guess I don't really think it is my faith but my surrender. I haven't really had a problem with faith, but surrender is HARD!

I have surrendered a lot in the last couple of years during the ups and downs of my husband's post-graduation job-search. I have learned to say "Let Your will be done, Lord!" We have surrendered our expectations, humbling ourselves that things do not work out in our timing. We have surrendered our budget to the Lord as we have been led to a Total Money Makeover. We have surrendered a lot of our material things either to someone else who gave us some minimal cash for it or just donated stuff. We surrendered time around the holidays last year for David to work a seasonal job to try to get ahead with some of our debts. We will eventually be surrendering our home back to the bank because we cannot afford it and we cannot sell it since it is worth about half of what we owe on it. Surrendering is getting easier and maybe that is what we are supposed to learn.

Before David and I got married we decided that I would stay home when we had children. Being a SAHM is the hardest and best job I ever loved and we still feel like that is what is right for our family but as his job is coming to an end, as I was helping him search for jobs online, I found a part time position in my old line of work (phlebotomy) that was closing soon. I applied for it and figured we could talk about it and I could still turn it down if we decided against it. I still don't know what to do. I have an interview on Tuesday and I am leaving things in God's hands. I have been praying so much for what His will might be. I know what mine is, but I feel like I am being led in this direction and I have never been one to turn down an opportunity if I felt like it was the right thing.

As it turns out my mom is available right now to watch Blueberry a few days a week. I am still praying for guidance and David is supportive either way. I am relying on faith that I will know the right decision when it is the time to make it.